Tired...but not down for the count!

1/27/2011

Happy New Year!!! It has been a few months since my last post. Feels good to be back to the blog!

Since my last update, I've shed a few more pounds. As of 12/31/10, my total weight loss since May of 2010 is 34.5 pounds. This is a major feat for me and I am so happy to begin the New Year without having "losing excess physical baggage" as my resolution. I have, however, set a new goal for myself.  I plan to lose about 25 more pounds by summer.

I joined a gym before the Thanksgiving holiday and I absolutely love it. Weight training and circuit work have become a bigger part of my routine than before; the results speak for themselves.

Over the past several months, I have received overwhelming support from family, friends and strangers. I get email after email, text messages and phone calls from so many people seeking support, advice and or tips to aid in their own journey for personal fitness. It's meant so much to me and gotten me through some painful and challenging days. 

Funny...I've had so much success, but some days it still feels like it's not enough. I've watched myself go through a metamorphosis from the inside out. Yet, my spirit and mind are still lagging behind. They can't seem to catch up and it's been wearing me out. 

There are still things in my life I have yet to deal with. And if it is not the suppressed or the deliberately submerged memories or pain, then it is the end result of them staring me in the face or constantly invading my thoughts and dreams. I am praying to God for strength in overcoming those challenges. I know if I do not succeed in doing so, everything I have done is pointless. 

Remember, this transition is not just about the physical; the spiritual and mental have always been part of the equation. I must admit to myself that I have not given as much time or effort to those areas as I should. Painful memories, regrets....those are the emotions I need to reign in so not to go back to that dark place harvested and nurtured by emotional eating. Healing.....I need to take more time out for that.

This is not a resolution.....but a personal commitment that will lead to a better, more fulfilled me. Time to reign in and conquer the ghosts, the demons, the pain once and for all. Time to let go. JC got me this far and I know He is with me every step of the way.

So, what to do?  What is my POA?  Well, for starters I must feed my spirit and my mind.
I will pray more specifically and intently, more consistently. I will study my Bible more often. I will practice meditation and get involved in at least one organization to support the community in some way. I will give more time to the talents and gifts I have been blessed with; writing, painting, drawing and counseling. I will get back to loving some people from a distance; as hard as it may be. Basically, I will go back to my roots.

Along this journey I continue to peel back so many layers of my being. Layer after layer....level after level...so many dimensions. True elevation involves:
1. Reflection
2. Expression
3. Acceptance
4. Ownership
5. Adaptation
6. Revision
7. Action/Movement
8. Determination/Passion
9. Deliverance
10. Endurance

Step by step.....I will.

My Life: Volume 33: Chapter 6, pg. 27:
"---and as I turned the corner, I knew things would not...could not be the same. No looking back; not even a peak over the shoulder.This was a game changer...and everything within me is far beyond this game."-Emotional Lyricist (Me)