Life doesn't stop. Busy, stretched, tired.....many
can attest to feeling this way. The problem is, many of us allow that feeling
to rule our lives and soon, that morphs into a behavior. That behavior
can be destructive.
That is where I am at now..today. My day begins
around 4:30-5am, involves the rustling of my toddler, myself and then the daycare
shuffle, total daily commute of roughly 3 hours (more on some days), a
demanding career with long hours after hours,and lots to do on the home-front. This
paired with the challenge of not having family available to help with relief at
times takes a toll.
Over the past few months, this has lead to more
frequent consumption of quick, not so healthy fast and easy to zap foods (Chick
fil A or the hot bar or pizza at Wegmann’s typically), decreased or no workouts, less walking, and
less sleep. What’s this recipe? One that yields horrible results such as weight
gain, lethargy, aggravated depression…an overall decrease in quality of life.
I love being a mother and wife, and before
anything, my family comes first. The issue.....I have not been consistent
when it comes to making time for ME. Whether it be working out, writing,
mediating, reading....I can't tell you the last time I truly, really got down
to the business of ME. Sound familiar? Admit it....you can relate on some
level and in many instances, beyond what my words have outlined.
I broke down on my husband one day recently,
sobbing in his arms feeling horrible at how I was once again able to wear the
jeans I worked so hard to get out of. 176 pounds...and my body has been feeling
every bit of it. I have been feeling so defeated, lost and disgusted with
myself. I felt so angry that I was so far away from where I said I would
be...from where I had once been.
I promised myself yet again that THIS MUST
STOP....that I MUST make a CHANGE and get back to taking care of myself. After
all....if the quality of my life is suffering, I am not living my life
optimally. This is cheating....cheating myself and my family.
So....after a brief pity party, I took a good look
in the mirror and recommitted myself to ME.
One day at a time...
Another mistake, I have realized, is that I keep
thinking back to how it was after I lost all of that weight a few years ago;
how fit and strong I was, how good I felt, how young I looked...how healthy I
was. Nothing wrong with wanting to get back on track....but I realize
that trying to shove myself into a box from the past is also CHEATING ME. For
one, my life is so very different from the first time I went down this road; I
am back in corporate America, I am a mother of a beautiful little girl, my body
has changed, circumstances have changed......Why not focus on improving from
where I am today and perhaps, just maybe, exceeding the goals I achieved in the
past? Why not that, instead?
So, I am kind of babbling...but the bottom line is
this; I have done it before and I will do it again.
It may take me longer, I will have to be more
creative with my plan of action and my time...but
One day at a time....
Through Christ, all things are possible.
